Rapturous

Do you ever worry about what will happen to all of your unsaved friends and family just after the Lord lifts the rest of us GOOD people up to heaven? Got an extra $40 layin' around? Aren't you just aching to send them one last email about the glory of Christianity, but are afraid you'll be too busy frolicking in the clouds and playing your harp on the good side of those pearly gates to even think about logging onto your Yahoo account? Thank goodness we're not the only ones worrying about such pressing matters. Here's your chance to let them all know that, "Yes, in fact you've been left behind."

I am particularly impressed with the fail-proof system they have in place for determining when the Rapture has in fact occured. Five dedicated Christian representatives from around the country (because who even cares about the rest of the world) have been selected to log in to the website every three days. If three of the five fail to do so at this predetermined frequency, the Rapture has indeed occurred. Ya know...or they were on vacation. Or the power went out. Or their computers broke.....so basically, most likely the Rapture has occurred.

This will prompt a message full of apocolyptic scripture (God's honest truth) to be electronically delivered from beyond to 62 of my most heathenistic friends and family members telling them to repent immediately.

Let's face it. It's probably too late for those sinners to convince God to save them from the fire and brimstone, but as a GOOD Christian, you want to make sure that you get one last chance to let them know that you were right and they were wrong. BIG TIME. Neener-Neener.