Benevolent Visionary


Death Becomes Her

Have you ever been to a funeral or memorial service and just thought...."Man....This is a bummer"?

Well hey there sad clown.....let's put the FUN back into FUNerals!

And while we're at it....I mean...it kind of sucks that the party of your life is one that you can't even really go to.

Unless you have unfinished business.

Or turn into a guardian angel of someone who attends.

Or if god or whoever lets you attend for old time's sake.

Or if you count that your body is technically there.....

But whatever...you should have a LIFE CELEBRATION instead! Pretty much your funeral, but you get to be alive at it. That's not creepy at all.

Wondering why I'm on this whole funeral/death soap box? If you know me personally you will already be familiar with the fact that I do not have any interest in death, dead people, dead animals, ancient Egyptians, etc. In fact....get it away. If you think it's a good idea to mention your own death or your final wishes to me, I will burst into tears and beg you to shut your face because you are never ever ever dying, DO YOU HEAR ME GOD???!!!!!!!!

So why, you ask? Well...I was inspired yesterday by life events. I tend to be a magnet for strange and often times hilarious encounters. Most of the time I am completely by myself for these things and have no way of truly proving they happened. But rest assured, they did. I do not seek these things out, but I certainly praise the heavens each time a new party story/blog post gem reveals itself to me.

Last night I was driving to my play rehearsal. It was dark due to the whole phenomenon known as 'night time', and I was driving a twisty, turny, woodsy road. This meant that many details of the landscape did not jump out and force me to take notice. Luckily enough, the occasional streetlamp illuminated my view of the massive black suburban ahead of me. More specifically, their back window which was proudly advertising the following:

"Yes! A Funeral CAN be stylish and fun!"

I wildly grabbed at my cell phone and maneuvered the road while desperately searching for the camera feature. Alas, that damn 'night time' made my picture unrecognizable. Not even worth saving. *CLICK* Mental Picture. I spent the remainder of the drive attempting to memorize the moments. Vanity License Plate? Check!


That's right. A FUN Funeral. Hmmm....

Naturally, I checked out their website as soon as I had the chance.

In all honesty, though I am generally intolerant of all things post-mortem, I actually don't think this is the worst idea ever. I don't have the stamina to contemplate my demise long enough to write out my own wishes (other than turning my remains into a freakin' DIAMOND thank you very much), but I also understand that if you're a fun person in life, that you should get to be remembered that way, rather than in a big old 'clad in black' festival of sad.

Also...my sense of humor makes me appreciate how wonderfully nontraditional this 'funeral wear' is (available for purchase on their website) :

So just take it from Judith Martin (who I am assuming commented on their services from the comforts of her afterlife)

“They carried out all of my wishes, I would offer their name to a neighbor in a heartbeat.”

Ya know...if she still has one....

Happy Weekend everyone and R.I.P.!

UPDATE: I do know this about my own death: If anybody DARES to donate my body to one of those creepy ass Dead Human Displays at the museums, I will most certainly haunt your ass for eternity.


A Religious Experience

So last night I saw the sign. It opened up my eyes.

Our new bathroom's theme is the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. With a little dash of his mother Mary thrown in. Not like goofy, Buddy Christ, sort of stuff. Vintage, for realsies, someone was inspired to paint a portrait of the Prince of Peace, King of Kings and we are hanging it over our toilet. Very majestic.

There are two light switches in the bathroom. One controls a light above the shower. The other controls a light and a fan above the toilet. We were working with only the light above the shower while the other switch was in the off position.

As we were tenderly and prayerfully hanging the various tributes to God's only son, an out and out miracle occurred!

Just as we finished straightening the reproduction of the Last Supper mounted on a slice of tree from the Ozarks, the other light and fan all of a sudden came on. The switch was still down and I was nowhere near it!!!! Pembertron and I looked at each other in amazement.

"Did you just do that?"
"No, did you?"
"Try flipping the switch up."

I flip the switch up and the light and fan stay on.
I flip the switch down and the light and fan stay on.
I flip the switch up and the light and fan stay on.
I flip BOTH switches down and everything turns off.

"Try it again."

I flip each switch up one at a time and everything seems to have returned to normal.

Nervous laughter





Ahem. Oh. Excuse me. My brother has the amazing knack of crying like a widdle poopy pants baby. And also farting a lot. He loves it. It's his favorite thing. Wah Wah Wah widdle baby.