10.6.08

Super Sized Eww.

Okay...what the hell people?!

I was at work doing a bit of price comparison research on some items we are thinking of buying before the end of the fiscal year. When stocking up on year-long essentials of basically any kind it is natural to think one thing: Bulk Purchasing. And who is the Bulk Merchandising Queen of America? COSTCO of course.

Do you need 45 rolls of extra soft, quilted, aloe-scented toilet paper? What about an economy pack of your favorite dishwashing detergent that will last you the rest of your natural life? Hey! Over here! I found that box of 87 croissants that are sure to go stale by the time I load them into my SUV!

But wait! There's more! Didn't your uncle just die? Well, you're in luck! Just shove your cart on down to Aisle 115A (just past the giant mayonnaise and the 3 ton cans of tuna) and purchase a COSTCO Casket.

At COSTCO we know you lead a busy life. Your growing family needs that restaurant-sized box of Hamburger Helper and lifetime supply of Q-tips. But a "growing family" inevitably means a "dying family." That's why COSCTO is here to provide you with all of life....and death's necessities at a low low price. Visit our exclusive Funeral Department for styles and pricing options.

p.s. Don't forget! Spice up that downer of a wake! We do party platters!

2 comments:

yvanka said...

I especially like the Lady of Guadalupe options. She's gonna watch over you for all eternity! But when that lid's shut, she's mostly going to be checkin' out your left boob.

Glitter Paint Pony said...

That's really all I expect out of the afterlife. For Lady of Guadalupe to check out my left boob.