Things I'm Allergic To

• Penicillin
• Cantaloupe
• Fire Ants
• Wool
• Chicken
• Smoke
• Math
• Dashboard Confessional
  

Co-workers

A: We should do something together!
K: Okay! Like what?
A: Something good for us.... Active, ya know?
K: We could take an aerobics class!
A: Yeah.....or a dance-aerobics class?
K: Or we could be in a play!
A: I can't sing.
K: You don't have to sing.
A: Yeah but I can't act.
K: Oh.
A:....... But I was an extra in a real movie one time!
K: We should do that!! Let's be extras in movies!!!
A: Okay!!!

A: Wait.......Just so you know...I don't do porno.

Height of Luxury.

I only shit on the finest of crystals.

The Miracle of Life.....and thumb drives.

Meet My Hero. Meat, My Hero.

Okay, so I just stole this from Fail Blog, but I pretty much love it.

Dear Wind,

I'm sorry for using such strong and hateful language. I don't hate you, but you are a pest sometimes. The whole umbrella shenanigan you pulled this morning? Not cool. The crazy swirly nest you turn my hair into? Not my favorite. Mostly you are a bad influence on our friend the rain. Independently the two of you are just fine, but when you get together you turn into pesky, naughty little school boys who aren't bad or evil, but get into trouble all the same. Again I apologize. In the future I will try to praise you for your gentle breezes through the trees and all of your help with pollination. All I ask is that you calm down a little bit. Maybe it's time to lay off the sugar.

Sincerely,

GlitterPaintPony

Stupid Wind

Stupid wind just flipped my umbrella inside out. That's always so embarrassing, though I'm not sure why. There's nothing you can do about it and it happens to everyone. But then, as my umbrella righted itself, it swung into the coffee cup I was holding in my other hand and spilled it all over my pretty coat. Argh. So frustrating. But again. Who am I mad at? It's not my fault. It's not anyone's fault.... Except the wind. I hate the wind.

Stupid wind.

Hey....remember that time....

Hey....remember that time when I was gonna have a blog and then I was gonna write in my blog and then I was gonna hope that people read the things that I wrote in my blog because I was a blogger and was regularly writing things for people to read in my blog?



Oops.