Kindness Works

Fluttering hands.

High pitched voices.
Sudden hushed voices.

Running from here to there in a frenzy!

Dear colleagues: It may be time to calm down. We all feel your stress. I know I'm not the only one. Guess who else is having anxiety as a result of you?

The stapler.

Probably all of the office supplies. And the doors too. You are slamming them and they really don't like it.

I've always been a strong advocate of manners and such. Towards people it's a no-brainer (well, for some...). Animals? Of course, we can see how they are feeling when we treat them a certain way. But I think it should extend to the inanimate. Just because they can't emote does not mean that they don't have a soul. (I'm not saying they for sure DO have one, but it couldn't hurt to just be a little nicer to all things, always, forever.)

You wonder why the stapler doesn't work? Maybe it is just sick and tired of being punched in the head like that. It works perfectly when you just use it like a rational human being who needs to staple something. Why are you acting like a rabid monkey whose father was maliciously killed by a stapler? Unnecessary force.

"Um Glitterpony? We need you to replace this stamp. It just spontaneously broke!!! WHAT A POORLY MADE, STUPID STAMP!!!!"

I think it was made just fine. Also, it is not stupid. Just fed up. Lost the will to live. You sucked the life out of a defenseless little stamp. Way to go.

Maybe just try being a little kinder. A little gentler. I bet your office supplies will last longer. Perhaps your employees too...

IN MEMORIAM:

Don't worry...I'm covering my cough.

Rain
by Shel Silverstein

I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand-- I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.

_____________

This poem (along with the picture shown below) is a pretty accurate rendering of how an upper respiratory infection makes you feel. FYI.

If I were a celebrity...

I would name my babies the following (Boy or Girl? You be the judge!):

Cinsere

Cam'ron

Legend

Shasta

Xev

Nimue

Banner

Labirynth

Quewhin (pronounced Kevin)

Feel free to comment with more suggestions!

This is my dance space.

I have a genetic predisposition towards getting stuck in close proximity to less than desirable individuals. They may be smelly, touchy-feely, or any other version of annoying. At the movies, they are loud-talking, seat-kicking adults who should know better. Or even worse...confrontational pre-teens.

In fact, I'm on a plane right now and my preciously limited space is seriously being encroached upon. The man next to me would most certainly be offered a lude public bathroom stall service, judging by the wideness of his stance. His arm is slowly but surely creeping past his fair share of the arm rest, which I have chosen to not even touch. When he first sat down he gave me a dweeby smile that said "Hey new friend. Are you ready for some fun?" No. No. I'm not. We're not friends. Here, have some bitch-vibes.

Then he flipped the arm rest between us up and leaned into my space. Oh hell no. I require that barrier. I like to envision a germ-blocking forcefield directly separating my dance space from whatever strange human's I am unlucky enough to be assigned next to. If this man deactivates it, I will probably cry, sissy slap him until he scoots over, and then develop a severe case of whatever disease I happen to imagine him having.

I looked at the man like, "Uh. No." and then flipped it back down. We eyed each other awkwardly. Awesome. Now we get to share this yard of airplane for the next hour. I can't wait. Now please move your effing elbow back to your side. Thanks.

Word Up

So I had a discussion the other day with my BFF, Yvanka. She shared with me that she hates the word "body." It gives her the heebily-jeebilies. She had a whole story about why - which was pretty funny- but I'll let her tell it if she so chooses. In the meantime, I want to know what words make you cringe and squirm. "Cringe" and "squirm" perhaps? And....GO!

Oh....p.s. I'm grossed out by the word "sensual."**Shudder**