I am about two seconds away from
and turning into "that crazy childless lady who stockpiles baby shoes.”
Showing posts with label confessions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confessions. Show all posts
7.5.09
If the shoe fits...
29.1.09
And 25 More...
1) I recently learned a new way to wear a scarf. And I'm obsessed with it. (Thanks Yvanka!)
2) I am in the middle of moving and I have no idea where anything is.
3) I typically spend the last 3-5 minutes of my showers obsessively rinsing my hair. I have real anxiety thinking WHAT IF remnants of soap coating my tresses all of a sudden wildly bubble up from the top of my head at the first sign of rain.
4) Most satisfying sound: The KA-CHUNK of the date stamper.
5) My suggestion for how to obtain world peace? Coexist with Muppets. Seriously. Think about it. Oh, hey... ya know that war you planned on starting? Hold on a second while we all watch Kermit dance with his funny frog legs. Who feels like fighting now? Not me!
6) I love eating spaghetti and watching endless episodes of Law and Order.
7) I have never and will never like Indian food or Sushi. So don't make me try it again. Thank you.
8) I don't camp. Or hike. Or climb mountains. Or endanger my life for a momentary rush of adrenaline.
9) I own a stapler that looks like a chicken.
10) I attend an annual Murder Mystery Weekend with my grandparents. And we wear fake mustaches.
11) I can sing all of the United States in alphabetical order.
12) I have written a draft for a children's book. Maybe someday I'll try to do something with it.
13) I have the "hitchhiker's thumb" just like my dad and my grandpa. No current plans to actually hitchhike.
14) I have the same feet as my mom, grandma, female cousins, and aunt. And boy are they cute!
15) I love how the pages of a spiral notebook feel when you've filled them with notes. All crinkly and like they have fulfilled their earthly purpose.
16) When I run (which is not often) it feels like all of my blood rushes into my gums and it makes my teeth hurt.
17) I recently diagnosed myself with a flesh eating disease and gave myself approximately 2 months to live. Turns out they were just stretch marks from my recent blossom into owning a more womanly figure. AWESOME.
18) My dad has an amazing knack for winning radio contests.
19) My mom has an amazing knack for memorizing exact shades of color.
20) My dog has an amazing knack for pouncing on my stomach in the wee hours of the morning.
21) I gave myself one of the motivation stickers I have at my desk today. I felt I deserved it even if nobody else did.
22) There are four tiny plastic mermaids sitting in a tiny trophy cup labeled "Valued Colleague Award". Sometimes I like to pretend they are relaxing in a luxurious hot tub.
23) I coined the swear "Fart Basket." I think it's going to sweep the nation.
24) I love love love wearing my nametag.
25) I share my general birthyear with the My Little Ponies AND the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Happy Birthday to us!
2) I am in the middle of moving and I have no idea where anything is.
3) I typically spend the last 3-5 minutes of my showers obsessively rinsing my hair. I have real anxiety thinking WHAT IF remnants of soap coating my tresses all of a sudden wildly bubble up from the top of my head at the first sign of rain.
4) Most satisfying sound: The KA-CHUNK of the date stamper.
5) My suggestion for how to obtain world peace? Coexist with Muppets. Seriously. Think about it. Oh, hey... ya know that war you planned on starting? Hold on a second while we all watch Kermit dance with his funny frog legs. Who feels like fighting now? Not me!
6) I love eating spaghetti and watching endless episodes of Law and Order.
7) I have never and will never like Indian food or Sushi. So don't make me try it again. Thank you.
8) I don't camp. Or hike. Or climb mountains. Or endanger my life for a momentary rush of adrenaline.
9) I own a stapler that looks like a chicken.
10) I attend an annual Murder Mystery Weekend with my grandparents. And we wear fake mustaches.
11) I can sing all of the United States in alphabetical order.
12) I have written a draft for a children's book. Maybe someday I'll try to do something with it.
13) I have the "hitchhiker's thumb" just like my dad and my grandpa. No current plans to actually hitchhike.
14) I have the same feet as my mom, grandma, female cousins, and aunt. And boy are they cute!
15) I love how the pages of a spiral notebook feel when you've filled them with notes. All crinkly and like they have fulfilled their earthly purpose.
16) When I run (which is not often) it feels like all of my blood rushes into my gums and it makes my teeth hurt.
17) I recently diagnosed myself with a flesh eating disease and gave myself approximately 2 months to live. Turns out they were just stretch marks from my recent blossom into owning a more womanly figure. AWESOME.
18) My dad has an amazing knack for winning radio contests.
19) My mom has an amazing knack for memorizing exact shades of color.
20) My dog has an amazing knack for pouncing on my stomach in the wee hours of the morning.
21) I gave myself one of the motivation stickers I have at my desk today. I felt I deserved it even if nobody else did.
22) There are four tiny plastic mermaids sitting in a tiny trophy cup labeled "Valued Colleague Award". Sometimes I like to pretend they are relaxing in a luxurious hot tub.
23) I coined the swear "Fart Basket." I think it's going to sweep the nation.
24) I love love love wearing my nametag.
25) I share my general birthyear with the My Little Ponies AND the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Happy Birthday to us!
21.1.09
16 Thingy Things
1) I am moving in 12 days. I've done a lot, but OH GOD I have a lot to do.
2) More often than not I have a package of watermelon flavored gum in my purse.
3) Much to the chagrin of my grandparents, I have 6 tattoos... and counting.
4) I like hugs from the right kinds of people, purple, glitter, smooshy pillows and crappy tv.
5) I want to be a librarian, a bookstore owner, a novelist, a mom, a Broadway star, a professional volunteer, and a mermaid when I grow up.
6) I have made my bed every morning of 2009!! (Oh...except those two days that I was sick and never actually left the bed. That's okay, right?)
7) I had a wart on my hand for a long time that just grew and grew and grew and grew until I thought TLC was going to offer me my own disgusting Sunday Night special called "The Girl with the Hideous Deformity Covering Her Once Delicate Hand." Anyway...it has since fizzled away along with my dreams of shock value stardom. Sigh...
8) I am prone to having my feelings hurt. But I have a tiny rhinocerous living under my computer monitor at work. He reminds me to have tough skin.
9) There is a cup full of Hershey Kisses that somebody put on my desk. I am NOT eating them. NOT EATING THEM.
10) I wish that people were more polite. I could use a few more pleases and thank yous.
11) I love trivia and the idea of being an expert on something. Someday I hope to be some kind of aficionado. Side note: Aficionado is a GREAT word. Say it out loud right now! It's fun! Try it!
12) Damn it. I ate a Hershey Kiss. I am weak.
13) I watched the news coverage last night of President Obama making appearances at all 10 Inaugural Balls. Poor guy must have been wiped out. We had fun giggling about how he seemed to be getting looser and sillier as the evening went on. Yay Obama, by the way!!!
14) Ya know how songs get stuck in your head sometimes? Do you ever just get a word stuck in your head? I've had a word stuck in my head for the last week or so and I have had no reason to actually use it. Maybe that's why it's stuck there, I don't know. But when my brain is too tired to think of the task at hand, or if I'm just starting to relax and doze off, all of a sudden my mind whispers "Chimichanga".....Anyone else? No? Just me? Hmmm...
15) I am totally thrilled when people comment on my blog. Sometimes I think it would be amazing to be a professional blogger. Maybe when I'm done being a mermaid I can try my hand at blogging for a living.
16) The following items are at my desk right now: 3 uncapped pens, a box of tiny candy canes, 2 different bottles of pain relievers (regular and extra strength), a postcard of Green Gables, and a box of '200 Motivation Stickers'.
2) More often than not I have a package of watermelon flavored gum in my purse.
3) Much to the chagrin of my grandparents, I have 6 tattoos... and counting.
4) I like hugs from the right kinds of people, purple, glitter, smooshy pillows and crappy tv.
5) I want to be a librarian, a bookstore owner, a novelist, a mom, a Broadway star, a professional volunteer, and a mermaid when I grow up.
6) I have made my bed every morning of 2009!! (Oh...except those two days that I was sick and never actually left the bed. That's okay, right?)
7) I had a wart on my hand for a long time that just grew and grew and grew and grew until I thought TLC was going to offer me my own disgusting Sunday Night special called "The Girl with the Hideous Deformity Covering Her Once Delicate Hand." Anyway...it has since fizzled away along with my dreams of shock value stardom. Sigh...
8) I am prone to having my feelings hurt. But I have a tiny rhinocerous living under my computer monitor at work. He reminds me to have tough skin.
9) There is a cup full of Hershey Kisses that somebody put on my desk. I am NOT eating them. NOT EATING THEM.
10) I wish that people were more polite. I could use a few more pleases and thank yous.
11) I love trivia and the idea of being an expert on something. Someday I hope to be some kind of aficionado. Side note: Aficionado is a GREAT word. Say it out loud right now! It's fun! Try it!
12) Damn it. I ate a Hershey Kiss. I am weak.
13) I watched the news coverage last night of President Obama making appearances at all 10 Inaugural Balls. Poor guy must have been wiped out. We had fun giggling about how he seemed to be getting looser and sillier as the evening went on. Yay Obama, by the way!!!
14) Ya know how songs get stuck in your head sometimes? Do you ever just get a word stuck in your head? I've had a word stuck in my head for the last week or so and I have had no reason to actually use it. Maybe that's why it's stuck there, I don't know. But when my brain is too tired to think of the task at hand, or if I'm just starting to relax and doze off, all of a sudden my mind whispers "Chimichanga".....Anyone else? No? Just me? Hmmm...
15) I am totally thrilled when people comment on my blog. Sometimes I think it would be amazing to be a professional blogger. Maybe when I'm done being a mermaid I can try my hand at blogging for a living.
16) The following items are at my desk right now: 3 uncapped pens, a box of tiny candy canes, 2 different bottles of pain relievers (regular and extra strength), a postcard of Green Gables, and a box of '200 Motivation Stickers'.
19.12.08
I think it just called me mommy
Sometimes things want me to adopt them, take them home, and love them forever. If I don't, I wind up feeling guilty, like I've seen a tiny child shivering in the snow without a coat and rather than bundling them up and making them some soup, I have just said "I don't care what happens to you. Be on your way little waif." Heartless and cruel. See....I'm not GREEDY. I'm actually really selfless for wanting to open my heart and home to these wayward widdle babies.
Examples of innocent little vagabond children that need my love and warm soup:
Tiny Pony in Jar
Do you see that little face? He needs me! The caption even asks me directly if I'll take him home!
G is for Giraffe
Too tall for flowers, but not too tall for a hug from yours truly!
The Blue Bird of Happiness and the Little Red Bird of Crankiness
Which one will I be today?
Rody
I can't explain why I need him. But I do.
Bird Circle
Tweet!
Piggies!
Oink!
And so, dear things, I am truly sorry that I currently cannot financially support your presence in my home. You should know however, that you are loved.
Examples of innocent little vagabond children that need my love and warm soup:
Tiny Pony in Jar
Do you see that little face? He needs me! The caption even asks me directly if I'll take him home!
G is for Giraffe
Too tall for flowers, but not too tall for a hug from yours truly!
The Blue Bird of Happiness and the Little Red Bird of Crankiness
Which one will I be today?
Rody
I can't explain why I need him. But I do.
Bird Circle
Tweet!
Piggies!
Oink!
And so, dear things, I am truly sorry that I currently cannot financially support your presence in my home. You should know however, that you are loved.
4.12.08
If I were a celebrity...
I would name my babies the following (Boy or Girl? You be the judge!):
Cinsere
Cam'ron
Legend
Shasta
Xev
Nimue
Banner
Labirynth
Quewhin (pronounced Kevin)
Feel free to comment with more suggestions!
Cinsere
Cam'ron
Legend
Shasta
Xev
Nimue
Banner
Labirynth
Quewhin (pronounced Kevin)
Feel free to comment with more suggestions!
25.11.08
1.8.08
Lunchtime Heart to Heart + Confessions
A young mother to her son: So how's life?
Young son: Well...I've been here for eleven years and I'm still not tired of it.
________________________________________________________
Confessions:
** I eavesdrop on your conversations and post them on my blog.
** I am tempted to punch teenagers in the neck. DAILY.
** I just ate a brownie AND a cookie.
** If left to my own devices, I could easily eat an entire family size bag of Cheetos (the puffy kind) in approximately a half an hour.
**I make my BF turn the television on real loud so that there is NO chance he can hear me pee.
Young son: Well...I've been here for eleven years and I'm still not tired of it.
________________________________________________________
Confessions:
** I eavesdrop on your conversations and post them on my blog.
** I am tempted to punch teenagers in the neck. DAILY.
** I just ate a brownie AND a cookie.
** If left to my own devices, I could easily eat an entire family size bag of Cheetos (the puffy kind) in approximately a half an hour.
**I make my BF turn the television on real loud so that there is NO chance he can hear me pee.
27.6.08
What I Could Have Said
Dear Sister of My Ex-Boyfriend,
Thank you for your kind words. You were always lovely towards me. As for your brother, I am sorry that he spontaneously turned into a complete and total crazy ass wank-tard who married a dirty vagina (vah-JIE-nah).
I sincerely hope that someday he decides to contact his family again.
At that point, I sincerely hope you decide to shun him for being a bastard-face.
Love,
That Girl Who Isn't Bitter
Thank you for your kind words. You were always lovely towards me. As for your brother, I am sorry that he spontaneously turned into a complete and total crazy ass wank-tard who married a dirty vagina (vah-JIE-nah).
I sincerely hope that someday he decides to contact his family again.
At that point, I sincerely hope you decide to shun him for being a bastard-face.
Love,
That Girl Who Isn't Bitter
18.6.08
Worst Confession Of All
I teared up last night watching a marathon of Tori and Dean: Inn Love. Their love is just SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL!! And I am hormonal.
17.6.08
Confessions Part Deux
5. I like to try and solve all of the world's problems while in the shower, however this becomes a distracting pasttime, as on more than one occasion I have entered the world with one shaven and one unshaven armpit. All in the name of world peace.
6. I purchase the new issue of People magazine at the grocery store every Friday knowing full well that a subscription would save me money. I have no intention of changing this behavior.
7. I skip words and sometimes say "blah blah blah watermelon whatever" during the Lord's Prayer. I only attend church for the paycheck. (Yikes, that was a pretty bad one!)
8. I spontaneously cry when others discuss their own deaths or funerals.
9. I like to dance along when watching Footloose, Flash Dance, or Center Stage, pretending that I don't look like a total spaz, but rather EXACTLY like the characters in the movie. Sometimes I even feel annoyed that they didn't cast me in the part.
6. I purchase the new issue of People magazine at the grocery store every Friday knowing full well that a subscription would save me money. I have no intention of changing this behavior.
7. I skip words and sometimes say "blah blah blah watermelon whatever" during the Lord's Prayer. I only attend church for the paycheck. (Yikes, that was a pretty bad one!)
8. I spontaneously cry when others discuss their own deaths or funerals.
9. I like to dance along when watching Footloose, Flash Dance, or Center Stage, pretending that I don't look like a total spaz, but rather EXACTLY like the characters in the movie. Sometimes I even feel annoyed that they didn't cast me in the part.
16.6.08
Confessions
1. When I was little I was always afraid that someone was hiding behind the shower curtain. I still pull it back every time I use the restroom. Just in case.
2. Sometimes I take pictures of myself pretending to be asleep so that I can see what I look like and try to look cuter.
3. I've always loved eating Pringles with Easy Cheese. And I ALWAYS will.
4. I feel safer if I sit on the bathroom counter to brush my teeth because of all the spiders, snakes and rats I imagine hiding under the ledge by my feet.
2. Sometimes I take pictures of myself pretending to be asleep so that I can see what I look like and try to look cuter.
3. I've always loved eating Pringles with Easy Cheese. And I ALWAYS will.
4. I feel safer if I sit on the bathroom counter to brush my teeth because of all the spiders, snakes and rats I imagine hiding under the ledge by my feet.
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